Dragon

I’m too exhausted to wash my face before bed.
A cardinal sin in my profession.

The baby is sleeping. 
Or she’s pretending to sleep.
Just to toy with me.
She can be a terrifying master.

Tonight is a night where my idyllic romance of a life…seems a little less bright than normal.

Baby Daddy and I are both coming down to the end of just about every rope, and although we can still smile adoringly at each other, and still laugh our way out of any argument…we are both just…SO TIRED.

I lay next to my dragon child.

Our very first baby.
Sleeping with gentle rhythmic cooing sighs…in her safety approved co-sleeping bassinet thingy.

I begin to scroll social media on my phone.

A dangerous pastime for any of us.
Everyone else’s life, looks so much cooler through that lens.
A captured moment of happiness.
People having drinks.
Going on vacations.
Pictures of bouncing babies and photo filtered lovers.
All designed to assure us, and likely themselves, that everything is just always awesome.
 
I stumble across some photos of people from my past.
People we have all had in our life.
People that misunderstood us, or wronged us, or just happened into our lives when we were at our worst.
The Crusty Shoe Leather Demon of comparison shakes his head at me.

Crusty Shoe Leather Demon: Look at that. They sure look happy now…Rat Bastards.
After all the shit they dropped into your life.
 
Kathryn: Yeah. I see your point. 
They should definitely be suffering more.

Crusty Shoe Leather Demon:  I bet they get a ton of sleep.

I furrow my brow a tad.
Crusty Demon relishes my chagrin with a cheshire grin of it’s own.
Like that creepy clown that lives in the storm drain.

Crusty Shoe Leather Demon: It’s not fair really is it?  They should be up all night and having years peeled off their life by exhaustion. 

He snivels and sniffs on like this for a full five minutes, until my romantic idyllic existence seems a little less idyllic and little more like an episode of Rosanne.

Luckily, God never leaves me.

He pops into view, like a puff of smoke, on the other side of the bassinet. Reclining gingerly on his elbow.

A top hat and everything y’all.

 Crusty Demon immediately snaps out like a candle.
Leaving behind a nasty sulphur smell, but no real flame.

God beams at me.
I notice his usual bedraggled James Cagney type attire has been traded in for some rather snazzy “dinner and a trip to the theatre” type of duds.

Kathryn: I’m sorry…is that a cape?

I dead pan, as I switch to scrolling through my own fairly un-fabricated feed.

God: You bet it is Love.

His thick english accent drips off every word as he taps the top of his hat.

God: Can't leave you alone for a minute it seems eh? 
Ole Mopey pants over here.

I wince a sarcastic squint at him… over my snoozing child.

Kathryn: Shush please. You’ll wake the dragon.

God: Feeling sort of sorry for yourself I see. That always makes for a lovely evening.

Kathryn: Hah! Well yes actually. Things are a bit tough for the moment!! So glad you noticed.

God: Oh I know all the facts Love…and the key word there is “Moment”.
It’ll all set right in the end.

I roll my eyes sulkily 

Kathryn: I suppose…but what about this?
 
(Here I shake my phone screen at him like a smoking gun in a criminal proceeding)

 Shouldn’t there be a little more reckoning on your end ?! 
A little “vengeance is mine” or whatever?
I know that’s terrible…but shouldn’t there be a little more reaping going on? Some legit punishment?!!

He sighs at me patiently.

God: That’s the case sometimes… yes. 
But you should ask yourself…would you like to be treated as your sins deserve? Punished for all your crimes?

I don’t look at Him. 

Kathryn: No. I guess not.

I answer Him rather sheepishly as I lower my head.

God: Tend your own garden my Love. That’s enough for anyone.

The mood of the room grows suddenly somber, as I weigh His words.

He rounds on me suddenly…with a cheery exclamation.

God: By the way, you are completely ignoring the fact that everything can change in an instant!
You have no idea the goodness I have in store for you!
Never mind the goodness I have placed right in front of you.

Here he motions to my now silently sleeping progeny.
Her tiny chest moving up and down as she dreams.

God: And lets not forget…

(He leans in for dramatic emphasis)

That sitting just one room away from you now…watching old movies on Netflix and working hard to support both of your dreams…is someone who loves you. 
TRULY  loves you... the way you have always wanted to be loved.
The way EVERYONE WANTS TO BE LOVED.
Thats nothing to snivel at my dear.

Here he smiles at me rather like Pooh Bear patting Eyore on the head.

I drop my head down a little further.

Kathryn: You came here to make me feel better didn’t you?

I sneak a crooked grin up at Him.
He adjusts His hat.
Smiles like the morning.

God: There she is. My work here is finished!

He sits up and swings his legs off the other side of the bed.
Readies Himself for a mighty departure.

Kathryn: You’re looking snappy…Hot date?

He raises a sarcastic brow in my direction as he strolls toward the exit.

God: Wouldn’t you like to know! 
Not everyone sees me as the disheveled situation you seem to enjoy. Some people are under the impression I’m a classy bloke. 

He clears his throat importantly…spins on his heels and is gone.

I put my phone away.

Look back over my shoulder…as the dragon stirs.
She stretches her long perfect limbs.
Smacks her tiny pout together a couple of times…focuses on me with her deep, who knows what color eyes. 

She gives me a giggle, rolls over and falls quickly back to a sound sleep.

No.
Not really.

She giggles and coos and then cries and generally keeps Mommy awake for another 45 minutes to an hour before falling back into a fitful sleep. 
Only achieved by my holding her pacifier in her mouth for a good twenty minutes till she finally passes out.

I relish my twenty minutes of sleep before she wakes again.
Dream about the dreams Baby Daddy and I will achieve together, and about what sort of person would imagine…that God would wear a top hat...and a fruity opera cape.