The Never

To be honest

I never really had an idea

Or a dream 

Of where I would be

When I was 40

I resist

In general

But most especially

Timelines

Tethers

And anyone

Or anything

That tries to tell me what to do

Under the pretext 

Of validation

Or worth

Or blind obedience

Today 

And yesterday

Weren’t my favorite 

I have felt
Like a pile of orange rinds

But tonight

The person I was told

I might never find

Took this picture of me

With one of the babies

I was told

I would  never be able to have

He smiled after he took it and said

“Look how beautiful you are.”

No makeup

No filter

My hair

Left to it’s own devices

When I saw it

I thought

“Wow. I don’t look half bad.”

Then I thought of the day I decided

In my car

To leave the life I was in

To sacrifice it

Undo it

Thrust the knife through

Let it bleed

In hope

Of the life 

I was meant for

I remember the stretch of road

The color of the trees

The feeling in my throat

I remember 

All the people who told me

I was a fool

The revolutionary 

In me

The she

That hides in the quiet

Dregs of my coffee cup

That softens in

The shuffling daily minutes

Of raising three

Wild Women

Looks at this picture and sees

The eyes of the person who took it

The perfection of his hands

The times he is always

What I bled for

And more

Sees

The powerful people

That our particular love

Has created

The Intractable me

She knows

All the days

Good  or bad

Favorite or not

Are days I knew

Were stronger

Than any never