Daydreaming

Light shines better

In the dark

Everyone knows

Elementary

But always surprising

Christmas

And it’s trees

Do it best

Jesus seemed 

To enjoy the early morning

I did once also

Before tiny thunder feet

Roused me for waffles

And my arch nemesis

Oatmeal

Maybe now

The morning and I 

Will wake up

To love each other again

I dreamed last night

Pictures of my Mother

Flipping through a book

Too fast for me to focus

On any one 

For very long

Then we were in the kitchen 

Making bread together

Something we never did

The yeast in the bowl 

Grabbed my attention

I had to keep reminding myself what it was

And that this world 

With her in it

Was just a dream

Life can be so strange

Us 

Strange pilgrims 

Stuck

Till we melt

Like bubble in ice cubes

Like

Blue Jays

And Cardinals

Bastards of the bird world

Robbing and singing

Or harbingers of hope

Bright red in the growing grey

Sometimes both

Once upon a time

An older drunk lady 

Gave me gold 

At a bar 

24 karat words

I remember thinking she belonged in Constantine

If I looked at her long enough

There would be wings

She took a long drag off her cigarette

Painfully blonde hair

Black eyebrows

The softness of her age

Tucked behind her ears

She placed her hand under my chin

Like the Mother of the world

“Baby,

You have to be brave enough in life

To be uncomfortable for a while

Otherwise you’ll never get anything

Worth getting.”

I guess 

Back then

I wore my pain on my face

Maybe I always have

Like my oldest

Who likes to hide

Right where I can see her

Bar Mother’s advice

Burned it’s way

Into my heart

Like my middle Glory

Who can conquer armies

With a grin

And is never bested

This year

Brought a new light

We named her Loretta

Because God

Keeps His promises

She hangs around my chest most days

Shining brightly and quietly and softly

A tiny tree

Surrounded by Believers

She loves Radiohead

And singing

When she should be crying

Someone asked me

Recently

As I recover

Bandaged on my sofa

If I felt my own identity 

After all this life

I replied 

Without hesitation 

That I am a Mother

There is no longer any ”Me”

Outside of that

No before

To get back to

Not a prison sentence

A reality

A wide opening plane

A nervous system of genetics

Weaving a wonderful web around me

This holiday is 

Lukewarm

Weather wise

My older children

Rejoice

Then war over presents 

That are destined for the goodwill

I promise myself

Next year

It’s the beach or nothing

What better gift

Than the ocean in Winter

Having a three week old 

Makes it lovely in some ways

Endlessly unimportant in others

The amount of sleep I don’t get

Is staggering

But it’s not as bad 

As before

I don’t expect to get it

I don’t feel deprived

Instead

Nearly all I’ve ever wanted

Is piled up around me

Including a bonus scarf

I would never have chosen

Now to live out life

As my favorite scarf ever

It’s no good

To search for gifts

Or saviors

Or favorites

They present themselves

On their own clock

Wrapped in the unexpected

In bars

Coffee shops

Melancholy jams

And poorly executed facelifts

In the melee of paper

And dishes and toddlers

In happy exhaustion

We squeeze in 

A tiny conversation

About dreams and days

He looks over the counter at me

His eyes

Never any one color

Sparkly 

Around the edges

“What matters,

is that we have waffles

And wine.”

Looking at his eyes

The room seems to spin with joy

Like the ending of a movie

Where it’s just the two of us 

In all the world

With all we have been allowed to create

Reeling in rapture

Nearer and nearer

To the end of all things

The beginning

Of all that ever mattered

“Tired Starlings”

Feathering a nest

For another world

Daydreamers

Who never want to learn