Loretta
It was a dark and stormy night
Not really
We were at Sam’s
Buying an inordinate amount of paper towels
No
It was before that
We were at the produce market
Realizing all the pies were gone
As I watched Leroy walk out shaking his head
I felt a strange familiar
Soft tightening
Like giant rubber bands
Around my enormous abdomen
Could not be a contraction
Those weren’t coming until the 3rd of December
Four whole days away
But as I hoisted my gargantuan belly
Out into the parking lot of our local price club
The pain was soft again
But unmistakable
As it ran its way down my legs
Leroy said I looked pale
Was I alright
I admitted to the contraction
But assured him it was insignificant
Pre-labor at best
We must continue gathering supplies
For the long post partum winter ahead
Back home again
I had already started to ignore them
The baby wasn’t coming until the 3rd
Today was still November
My doctor was out of town
My hospital bag was still half packed
My nightstand drawer was still a cluttered shambles
My toes were still in deep need of a pedicure
She wouldn’t come until the 3rd
We all retreated to our separate rooms to rest
I laid on the couch
With my belly
Planning my tomorrow of task finishing
Until finally
After an hour at least
My contractions
Got tired of being ignored
I rolled over into the floor
Down on all fours and panting
I decided
Maybe it was time to call the doctor
Instead
I walked back to the bedroom
To tell Leroy
That I thought the non existent contractions
Were getting closer together
He implored me
As one might implore a crazy person
To call the doctor
So I did
Left a message for the on call physician
Made my way back to the den
To check on Athena and my Father in law
The latter upon seeing me step into the room
Said
“Honey. You look really pale. You sure you’re okay”
To which I finally responded
“Roger, I think I’m in labor.”
As I said the word “labor”
My water broke
And the immediate contraction that followed
Had me on the floor again
Trying not to scream in front of my four year old
I cooed through the mind shattering pain
“Don’t worry! Mommy is fine.”
As Roger ran to get Leroy
My poor Glory child woke from her nap
Stumbled into the kitchen with her blanket
Just in time for the phone to ring
I stammered to the Doctor
That my water had just broken
He very directly informed me to go STRAIGHT to the hospital
I shit you not
So intent on December 3rd was I
That I actually asked him if he was sure
My water had only JUST broken
Something that had never happened with my other two
He tried in vain to contain incredulous disbelief
As he all but ordered me to the hospital
After changing into dry pants mid contraction
A monumental feat I assure you
I had time to kiss my daughters hair
Toss my toothbrush into my half empty hospital bag
Before the best guitar player in all the land
Scooped me up into our band van
And barreled out of our neighborhood
If you’ve ever been pregnant
It’s likely that at some point
Some well meaning oaf
Has said to you
“It’s not like it is in the movies.”
Well
While I was squatted in the front seat
Clutching the back of the chair
Screaming that I had to push
As the contractions moved from ten
To eight minutes apart
And ripped through the lower half of my body
Like horror movie chainsaws
Leroy said
With not a small amount of panic in his voice
“This is just like in the movies!”
No sooner had the words left his mouth
Than the skies thundered and quaked
Lightening struck from seemingly everywhere
The heavens opened up
And torrential flood type rain
Poured down upon us
While I breathed through the mind numbing pain
I remembered having read
In a favorite book
That hero’s births were always heralded
By portents and thunderstorms
And cats
We cut our way through the pooling water
On the Interstate
The electric air
Booming it’s way around the sky
Screeching finally into the hospital parking deck
We pulled right into a reserved for physician only parking place
I crawled out of the van
Leroy raced to open the door
There was some scuffle about whether or not
The doors to the van were locked
That ended with me grunting swear words
Through a contraction
While holding the elevator door open
As Leroy cleared the barriers around the entrance
Like an olympian
Locking said doors
And then we were heading up
When we arrived at our floor
The pain was so bad
The contractions so close together
A quick montage played out in my head
Of how it would be the story of that time
I plopped a baby out
In the hospital hallway
Leroy sprinted down the corridor towards the nurses station
While I bent over the vinyl couch next to the elevator
Wailing
I looked up
To see the nurse radio my name back
And then everything happened really quickly
The double doors burst open
And no less than 10 nurses came sprinting towards me
In seconds I was lifted into a wheelchair
Enjoying the feel of the wind through my hair
As these brave women raced me into pre-op
My doctor was out of town
A devastating annoyance that had been popping into my mind
Since my fateful water break
While every nurse in Davidson county attended me
Stuck me with needles
Checked and re checked my cervix
Just like with all my labors
Nothing was normal
Everything was backwards
Face up
Tied into knots
I rolled my face to My Love
Pain was registering at nearly every part of my body
Through my tears
I said
“I’m so scared. She isn’t supposed to come yet.”
If you need the backstory
We lost a baby on December 3rd
The year before
December 3rd
Was also Loretta’s due date
It was the date my Doctor
Would be back in town
The date that would be redeemed by her birth
That would erase that awful icy pain
November 30th was not my plan
If you’ve ever been in labor
You know
It rarely goes according to anyone’s plan
My thoughts didn’t have too much time to linger
As I was soon in the Operating Room
Having to sit stone still while in hard labor
As someone inserted a disconcertingly long needle
Into my spine
Soon
That was done
As they laid me back and began to tape me to the table
I could feel the medicine run like heavy water
From my chest bone down though my legs
The funnest part
About C-sections
While there is no pain
You can still feel everything
Being bullied around your body
Leroy was allowed back in the room
Everything was a go
My mind still hammered around in panic
This wasn’t the plan
This wasn’t the day
Then suddenly
The real reason for my panic
Thudded into my heart
Like an arrow
I couldn’t have another baby
It wasn’t fair
I had lost my last love
My last tiny miracle
Had expired in my stomach
This new little child was supposed to come on the 3rd
Liberating all that grief
All that pain and worry
That had clung to me
Like a wet blanket throughout this pregnancy
I was so afraid she would be wrong
So afraid she would be perfect
I was so afraid I would love her
I turned my face to Leroy
Again though my tears I said
“I’m so scared.”
This time
In place of words
He bent his wonderful face to my ear
And sang
Soft and low
He sang a lullaby to me
While my new Doctor
Sliced through every layer
And began to wrestle her from my womb
He said he could see her
Through the incision
Staring up at him
Suddenly
After what seemed like forever
I heard her triumphant voice
Not a cry
She literally sang
One high clear note
Then she was quiet and in my arms
Perfect in every conceivable way
All that greasy horrible fear
Slid off me and onto the floor
The last nine months of constant worry and illness and struggle
Evaporated in her light
I kissed her face and cried
Tears of joy this time
How could I expect her to come on any day other than this
Any day besides her own
It seemed so silly now
She was everything new and wonderful
She was quiet contentment and long awaited leisure
A hero
Complete with portent
She rested in her Daddy’s arms
While they put my insides back together
Sewed me up
For close to an hour
Then she snuggled down
Into my arms
As all the world
Before there were five of us
Drifted away
With the rain
Loretta Jewel Powell
7lbs 9 ounces
20.5 inches
Blue eyes and ginger hair
Just like in the movies