"Tranquillissimo"
This morning
I sat on the foot of my bed
In a ray of sunlight
Crying
Watching my three month old daughter sleep
Her chest moving up and down
Sweet baby breathing
So steady and secure
Content
It’s beautiful outside
Glory doesn’t want to take her nap
Athena still has a cold
No one slept last night
The tornadoes were too loud
Even though
They never made it to our street
We were on high alert
Listening
Watching
Waiting
Not so far away
In another county
Some people who know
Some people that I know
Are broken
Literally
Bone and spirit
Shattered spines and splintered souls
Their 4 year old darling
Crushed and gone
Under a pile of rubble
What if it were me
What if it were my
I can’t even type it
What if they were snatched
From my desperate arms
Helpless to protect them
Naked
Under Nature’s wrath
Left to wake
Bereft
Before my eyes opened
I can’t even process it
It’s beyond me
Nature
Is no respecter of persons
She seems to always come
And level us
Remind us
We are wheat
Closer still
The Five Points
I left Alabama for
Lay in ruin
The store where I had
My last maternity photos taken
Reduced to rocks and rebar
The bar where I first laid eyes on
My Love
Half destroyed
Our favorite pizza spot
Where Birdie turned two
The sanctuaries
That house our music makers
Ripped up from the roots
So many of our friends are suffering
Businesses and livelihoods and lives
Gone
In seconds
As the sun warms my face
I realize
It’s not enough
To be grateful
That it wasn’t me
It’s not enough
To be sad
To marry my heart
To another Mother’s loss
It’s not enough
To post this emotional wrangle
There is no enough
There is no safe place
There is only now
This moment
Where my daughters are laughing
And watching Dr. Seuss
Where the love I waited
And waited for
Is pushing his hair out of his eyes
Pouring my coffee
Catching my gaze
Over the kitchen counters
There is only this minute
Where the baby needs to be changed
And the cats want out
There is only
This second
Where my heart
Breaks quietly
Over and over
For that little lost child
Under the rain
I remember
Watching the ants
In my grandmother’s yard
On hot southern summer days
Rebuild
Immediately and frantically
After the lawnmower
Laid all their long work to waste
I wondered
Why they bothered
Knowing as they must
In time
The blades would come again
Sooner or later
The roof will always
Be torn off
Something you love
Will be taken
The streets will flood
The things we thought were immovable
Will shift and be shaken
I guess I know now
Why they did it
Because no matter what cruel undoing
May come
It’s worth having
While it’s ours
So
Hold them tighter tonight
Kiss them longer
Open your eyes
A little wider
To take in the sun
While it shines
And when the sirens lay quiet
Build it all
Over again