Fhear A Bhata (The Boatman)
I’ve had a headache
For days
Waiting on the rain
I’m old enough
For my body
To predict the weather
She has changed
Along with the world
Or maybe
She has only
Stayed the same
Some days
Worn
Used up in the growing
Most days
Magic
The nuanced
The subtle
The tigress
When I was young
I craved
Long elegant fingernails
Sun soaked
Décolleté
Cinched suits
Lipstick
That never said it’s name
Now
I only want
Regular showers
No lipstick
Will stay
I only want
My children to be safe
Free from the claws
The snares
The subtle subterfuge
Of evil
But safety
Like her sister
Security
Is never satisfied
Never real
In the way you want it
Though they promise us peace
They steal it instead
On their altars
We are knifed through
Serrated
Separated
Sacrificed
In the shadow
Of whatever will come
They are only
Gilded carrots
In the rear view mirror
On the way home
My face
Betrays me
The sleepless nights
The worry and the wandering
A heart wrung
Nearly dry
The tigress suddenly
Seems so finite
So benign
So small
Red nails
A brownish back
Languid sometimes languishing
Limbs
Tired and troubled
Yet
Annoyingly hopeful
Happy
My old friend
Wrote to me
About fear
She said
“Put your fear in the right place.
Trust God to take care of your children.”
Maybe you don’t believe
In Him
Maybe
You’ve seen too much
I agree
The wine of communion
Can be bitter
He can feel
Like the sea
However
He must be
He is forever
Heralded in the articulate failings
Of this form
Are the unending strengths
That are only His
They are new
Ancient
Innumerable
The uncertain
Can remain uncertain
Or come
To it’s full fruition
Terrible
Or triumphant
The altar
In my life
Will remain
Empty
There is no power
In my blood
Those serenading sisters
Can find
Another fool
These legs will go forward
This ship
Will seek
The horizon
My nights
Will see rest
My children
My majestic Love
The chest
That houses
This crippled heart
Are all sailing
Sojourning
Like boatmen
In the sure vessel
Of His Providence
Weary
Refreshed
Sometimes
Sea worthy
Waiting
Waiting
On the rain
“So let us know, let us press on to know the LORD. His going forth is as certain as the dawn; And He will come to us like the rain, Like the spring rain watering the earth.”