The Body
I want to get this right
But I can’t
There’s no way for me
To say it all
Athena was in the hospital
Recently
She went white and limp and listless
I had just dropped her Father at bus call
They have all suffered with RSV
A week later
Loretta would visit the same ER
For a breathing treatment
To open her little lungs
Daddy was home
By this time
In his absence
The week before
Half our old house
Remained unmoved
Into our new house
We bought a house
It’s lovely and sacred
A Sanctuary
Set aside seemingly
Particularly for us
At any rate
Things compiled
As they do
The kids were all sick
Daddy was at work
The timelines changed
A gradual gracious relocation
Became an impossible mountain
Looming over me
Like a deer
Staring down a Semi
I froze
Completely froze
I could only
Care for my babies
Try to sleep at night
My body seemed to hibernate
In stress
Holding my breath
Under waves
That seemed to never stop coming
Then came
The body of Christ
When I was a girl in church
I would hear the term
Sing the song
With little understanding
As to the powerful meaning
The body of Christ
Was not much more than an analogy
“We are all important.”
“ The head is of no use
without the neck.”
And so on
As I stared up
At an impossible task
My heart
Usually the bravest part of me
Shrank back
Cowered in my chest
Refused to raise it’s head
When I dropped Leroy off at the bus
Realizing that Athena could be
In real danger
My whole body began to shake
Then my friend Claudia called
She said
“I’ll meet you at the ER. Glory and Loretta can stay with us.”
When she marched into the waiting room
It was like the sunrise
She prayed over us while I sobbed
She made us dinner
Loved on my girls and made them feel safe
My friend Jen
Heard about my mountain
Stood up under a mantle
That should have been mine
Bore what I couldn’t
She was at my aid every day
For 4 days
The foreman of the move
She oversaw
Made decisions
Brought her husband and moved all our records without me
So I could let Athena sleep
Then came Sarah
Also at my aid EVERYDAY
She made me pastichio
She moved and boxed and unloaded
Made me laugh
My other Jennifer
And her husband’s truck
Her will of iron
The list is long
My friend Kelly and Rebecca and Erin and Heather
Claudia again
And her husband
All these different parts
Came together
A veritable Vol-Tron
I watched in what I can only describe
As dumbstruck awe
While these people moved everything
EVERYTHING
Out of my past
Into my future
It was the mountain’s turn
To cower
Who can stand
Before His body
I have been loved before
By my Homeschool Moms
Never quite this dangerously
This love joyfully trampled past
What was comfortable
Over the person
I have projected to them
Past what I could ever hope
To pay back
Right into the trenches of my defeat
They sat with the real actual me
In my real actual non Instagram worthy mess
And they loved me
Like Christ loved the church
Gave their lives for me
And my family
When it was done and everyone left
I sat on the steps
Of my new house
While the girls watched Charlie Brown
Wept into my coffee
Glory had prayed
For at least a month
That our new place
Would have stairs
While I sat crying
In humility
In ineffable gratitude
Questioning
How or why
Anyone would do so much
For my ridiculous fallible worthless self
I heard the gentle voice of my Father
In answer to my
Self deprecating disbelief
He whispered
“But my daughter. This is also how I love.
More than you can stand.
More than you can believe.
More than you can ever repay.
I’ve been waiting for you to see it.”
Much like the wave of despair and defeat
That had just days ago
Threatened to drown me
So the love of Christ
Given true and triumphant anima
Through His blessed body
Moved my family
Quite literally
Over the mountain
Into a promise
Broke my heart
In the best way
Washed over the whispering lies
Extinguished my enemy
Bore my burdens
Showed me the breathtaking form
And the true face
Of my Father
“How beautiful the feet that bring
The sound of good news and the love of the King
How beautiful the hands that serve
The wine and the bread and the sons of the Earth
How beautiful,
how beautiful,
how beautiful
Is the body of Christ.”