Capricorn, Taurus and a Pisces...and a Taurus.

Well

Now she's asleep
And I can't sleep

Today has been long

I was quick to smile
But I had painted the cabinets
The day before
And there was oatmeal to put away
Miscellaneous vases
Suddenly so sinister

And I was supposed to go out

Two sitters down with the flu
And I'm home being Mom
For a few more hours

My oldest went to dream like a light

After she covered the house with her tea set

My youngest kept going

Thrilled with herself
And with being alive 

So I let her

Tug on my shirt
Yank on my hair
Wriggle and roll
And pull up on things that could squish her

Lean her head into me like bull

I have an extra half a glass
Call my favorite Aries

Rant in between
Catching her head
Before it meets the floor

When she's finally out

She still rolls toward me in her sleep 

Leans hard
Like she needs to be sure
 I'm still really there

I'm glad I organized the closet
Glad I gave away what wasn't worn
Purged what was done 

But I still need a haircut 

And for all my need
For time
Just for me

I still
Scroll through their faces on my phone
Watch the video from Oktoberfest
Over
And over again

How could I be so damn lucky

 But bangs
Definitely need those again

Bangs are important
They make you get ready

You have to try
Just a centimeter more
And it makes the difference 

Between Mommy hobo
And Mommy boho

Today I wore
Exactly what I wore yesterday 

Exactly 

I have paint on my legs
Grease in my hair
Chips in my polish 

The beginning of what might be insanity
Brewing in my mind

Some minutes it's everything
Some minutes it's too much 

All this

And I really sort of hope
That I get pregnant again

For what is conception
If it isn't hope 

If it isn't charging light
Into all the darkness

It's nothing if it isn't
A giant middle finger
To the sorrow and insanity of the world 

I can make light with my body
The privilege isn't lost on me

Or the honor

I press forward into life

Past the sleepless nights
The frozen peas
The peanut butter on my shirt
The tiny finger nail prints in my face

I press forward
Into the silly
Sacred
And simple path

Laid before me

I lean hard like my daughter 

And I hope