Army of Me

I have had several people ask

About a recent post I put up

That told the story of a woman escaping

Abduction and probably worse

While taking her daughter to the bathroom 

At a highway rest stop

Twice that I’m aware of

Since I have lived in Nashville

My daughters and I have had close calls

With Sex Traffickers

They are not days 

I like to dwell on

But in the interest of safety 

And in the hope that further details will help another

I will relate them here

The first time

We were at a Kroger

I was nearly 8 months pregnant with Glory

And had taken my eldest Athena out to do some shopping

I was tired

Overwhelemd

Hugely pregnant

Distracted

I was in an aisle I don’t remember 

Reading the back of a box

When a man approached 

He lingered near my cart

He was middle aged

Middle Eastern or Middle European

Nicely dressed

He got close enough to make me look over at him

He stared at my daughter first

Then me

Told me she was beautiful

Made a comment about her mouth

Then asked me if my husband was waiting in the car

Because “He’s a lucky man”

Now

All of these things seem astonishing now that I’m typing them

But at the time

I was distracted

Pregnant

Tired

Vulnerable

Maybe it was because 

I was raised in the South

Taught to be “Nice”

Still

All my alarms went off

My usually congenial child

Lowered her head and didn't even look at him

I didn’t speak

I just turned my cart away and headed for another aisle

Everywhere I went in the store

He was seemingly nearby

Always trying to engage us

My whole body shouted “DANGER!”

But since I’m a woman

And sadly 

Somewhat used to majorly inappropriate behavior in dudes

A large part of my brain 

Told me I was overreacting

He was a sketchy dude

Big deal

Lots of dudes were sketchy and harmless

Right?

I went to the deli section

Where I knew there would be a lot of employees

Selected a large older cowboy type

To shop next to

The man seemed to be deterred by this

And walked away

After a few minutes I determined to find the manager

And call the police

I wheeled my cart to the checkout and was terrified 

There he was 

Pacing the length of the store

Looking down every aisle

Looking for us

I got on the phone and called Leroy

Who immediately got in the car to come get us

When I went back up to the front of the store to look

The man was gone

I told the manager about our harrowing experience

They had a fantastically intimidating bag boy

Escort us to our car

I called Leroy and told him all was well 

We were fine

Turn around

However

The longer I passed the scenario through my mind on the way home

The more I was convinced 

We had been the target of something terrible

By the time I pulled into the driveway 

Where Leroy was waiting

I was shaking so badly

I could hardly get of the car by myself

While I laid awake that night

Thinking of what I would have done if he had attacked us

In the parking lot

Incapacitated me

Which would have been easy at the time

What if he had taken my daughter

The more I thought

The more enraged I became

At him sure

But more so

At myself

Why hadn’t I screamed at him

Why had I been so passive

Why had I tried to talk myself into the idea

That I was overreacting 

When clearly 

There was danger

Why hadn’t I raged at this person 

For transgressing the Social Contract

For intimidating me in front of my daughter

My suspicions were confirmed

A few months later when I relayed my ordeal

To a friend who was working in putting an end to Sex Trafficking in Tennessee

His face went pale as I talked

Mine went deadly white when he said

“From what you’ve told me, He probably wasn’t actually after you. 
He was after Athena.”

I nearly threw up just typing that

That someone would dare to even think to harm her

I just

I just

I can’t 

I can’t wrap my mind around it

But It’s true

And it happens all the time

Several months later

After Glory was born

I had both the girls with me

On a quick errand to Home Depot

It was sunny and beautiful outside

We had listed to Steve Winwood on the way there

Everyone was in good spirits

I parked near a cart return

As is my habit

Loaded the girls into a cart

Rolled it down to the end of the van

Towards the Garden Section

When I got the end

There was a man there 

Waiting

He was scruffy and somewhat “homeless” looking

I was so startled that it took me a second to recover

In that second he took a step towards me

Placed his hand on the end of the cart

And asked me if I could “help him out with something”

My previous experience was not wasted

This time 

I reacted without any thoughts 

I threw my arms up and screamed

Dropped them back down on the handle of the cart

Rammed him with the end of it

And yelled as loud as my lungs would allow

“GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME!!!”

My girls hardly reacted

It’s not like they have never heard me yell

The man however 

Sprinted away from us

SPRINTED

Crossed the parking lot and lept into a waiting van

Which then sped away

Squealing tires and everything 

I composed myself

Went into the store and relayed my experience to the manager

Purchased my plants 

A couple bags of dirt and went home

I don’t say these things to be dramatic

Like I said

These are days I would rather forget

But if 

Reading this

Makes you one second faster

One second quicker to react

One second sooner to a conclusion that could save your life

And/or  the lives of your children

Then it’s worth re-telling

BE ANGRY FIRST

When your alarms sound 

LISTEN TO THEM

My Mother always told me

Better to be embarrassed or to “miss” something

Than to put yourself in danger out of some silly 

Social obligation to be nice

ANYONE

That makes you feel unsafe

Deserves to be dealt with accordingly

The Bible has a verse

That says 

“Be alert and of a sober mind. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour.”

Be alert

There are lions 

Predators

People who are looking to hurt you

It’s a melancholy truth

Stay off your phone while you are out

Look around and be aware of your surroundings

Walk with a purpose 

And maybe some sort of weapon

I now walk

Almost always

With a ready knife

Anytime I am walking my girls in the stroller

Make yourself a hard target

It’s not the Bible

But my Second Grade Teacher 

Mrs. Hereford

Told me something 

That I have gone back to many times in my life

Once

When I missed an answer on a test

She brought the paper over to my desk

“Kathryn, you scribbled out an answer, and then wrote a wrong answer. 
What did you write in first?”

I told her

She looked down at me and said with a smile

“That was the right answer!
You’re first instinct is almost always correct. Trust it!”

If your first instinct tells you 

Go to the next exit to stop

Go to the next exit

If you first instinct says

The lady loitering around the parking lot is dangerous

She’s dangerous

Stay in the store and call security

Or the police

If your first instinct

Tells you to scream and rage and act “crazy”

Do all of that

Do it loud and proud

Your safety matters

More than manners

Be a lion

Among the lions