God Only Knows
I get asked
About parenting
A lot
How I do it
What are my hacks
What books have I read
Lately I have adhered to just one thing
One verse rather
“Parents, do not provoke your children to wrath,
but bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord.”
To nurture something
Or someone
You have to be pretty close to it
On the regular
Get on it’s level
Take it by the hand
Surrender your schedule
Something that’s hard for me to do
But
Today was a good parenting day
Immediately after typing those words
My three year old called me to her room
I am now laundering all her bedding
Potty training has to be my least favorite part of life
I can handle head injuries
Bloody wounds
Bug Bites
Monsters
Big Falls
Hurt feelings
But a leaky Pull Up
Just sends me right over the fucking edge
I had to stop and take deep breaths
Something I have been teaching Athena to do
To prevent the fit throwing
But I did it
I managed to to keep my cool
Sort of
I find
That most of my parenting problems
Or my “bad” days
Start with impatience
Or with not being present
Those two things seem to be the secret
The magic one two punch
The more I embrace being a Mother
The more I just step all the way in
The better it seems to go
My girls
Were just part of my Joy today
If they messed up the house
No big deal
The house can be cleaned
If they wanted to show me something
I looked
If they called me
I followed
We ran and played and I never got around
To organizing my closet
Or putting on my makeup
As a professional make up artist
Who has worked some fancy shit
The amount of attention I pay to my own face
Is laughable
Speaking of
I also get asked
About beauty
A lot
Here’s what I know about beauty
IT FADES
And if you don’t let it dim
You have to chase it
Re-light it constantly
You become the girl at the party
Who stayed too long
Your all important time
And your less important Money
Become servants of your need
Your need to be young
Your need to be perfect
Your need to live
In someplace that’s gone
Someplace that's perpetually beyond your fingertips
Don’t get it twisted
My skin care is expensive
I buy the best I can
I take my collagen like a good girl
I enjoy the ritual of getting ready
My girls love to watch me
Care for myself
Care is one thing
Desperation is another
Right now
I can look in the mirror and say
I mostly like the way I look
My face is softer
A few lines getting started here and there
My face is just different
Since having kids
Since turning 38
After so much life lived
In a relatively short time
My teeth
Have always been
Obstinate
But I find
I feel my most beautiful
When I stumble into the kitchen
For coffee in the mornings
Bare faced and already exhausted
To the smiles of my children
To the adoration and embrace
Of my very best friend
Who thinks I look my very best
In not very much else
Truth be told
I don’t look in the mirror
Nearly as much as I should
Because thats not where I want to spend my time
I want to spend my time in the dirt with Athena and Glory
Chasing them through the garden
And into mud puddles
I want to spend it
Curled up on a pile of dollies
Reading books and telling tales and naming dinosaurs
I want to spend it
Wrapped in my grandmother's apron
Cracking eggs
Dashing salt
And ignoring spills
Because one day
Very soon
It won’t matter if I was “pretty”
While I did it
There won’t be any My Little Ponies
“Taking naps”
In my underwear drawer
The thunder of little footsteps
Will be replaced
By a perfectly ordered house
Some properly applied makeup
And uninterrupted hours
Of sleep
Beauty and parenting
Are the same
In a sense
And the most beautiful parts of my life
Will be every moment
I ever spent with them
My children
And My Love
Picking up tiny socks
Organizing tiny food
Onto tiny trays
Closing cabinet doors
And walking past mirrors
Without a second glance