In the Time of Corona

I’m writing this

On my phone

Because Glory

Is falling asleep

Watching a show

On Mommy’s computer

A thing I swore

Never to do

It’s educational at least

But still

It’s one more concession

Quarantine has demanded

One more never

Sacrificed

One more thing

It has taken

Along with the gigs

The money

The nights out

The babysitter

The dinners with friends

The bottom half

Of everyone’s face

It has taken

Some small innocence

From my children

That

Seems to be

The highest premium

I won’t go in

To why’s

Or mandates

Or policies and politics

I doubt my opinions

Would do much

To endear me

Although

I’m glad I have guns

None of that matters

Here

Here at this table

Where we all sit

All together

All

Alone

Where it seems

We

Each and all

Have had to sip our supper

Elbow

To empty elbow

With every fear

We thought never

To materialize

I’ve had strange dreams of late

Dreams where

I can smoke

Dreams

Where I’m a dancer again

Dreams

Before the internet

Came to ruin it

In one dream

The Lord took me

To a high mountain

He showed me my house

In a sea of darkness

Then it lit up

A bonfire

On a long black beach

In my mind

All the sentinels of Heaven

Were turned to my home

My tiny pin of light

“I hear you.”

He said

Then further out

I saw a sea of lights

Rolling like an ocean of fire

Across the globe

“I hear all of them.

Keep asking Me.”

This sobering culmination

Woke me with a start

Leaving me

Like so many nights

Of late

To wander the halls

The darkened rooms

Like a ghost of myself

While everyone slept

So

What do I say next

It will get better

It will get worse

It has always been

Better and worse

My Mother always said

If you have a list

Do the thing you are dreading

First

Then all the rest

Is easy

I’m a person

Who has had

My worst case scenario

Happen

I have watched helpless

While my “Anything but that”

Went ahead and did

Whatever the hell it wanted

I’m not afraid

Of other shoes

I’m afraid

Of collapsing underneath the pile

Of becoming

Those “scuttling claws”

That shuffling ghost

The empty automaton

What I have learned

From my not without trial life

Is this

Bravery

Is a choice

And it’s required

At every moment

Whether we realize it

Or not

It doesn’t mean

You aren’t afraid

It means

You try one more time

While you shake

You open the closet

Put on your ballgown

For no one

For war

For your children

There are threads I can’t see

Bridges I didn’t build

Or burn

Things that could reach past me

To them

I’m not always in charge

Of what is sifted

Into my life

Of what global pandemic

Will likely ruin

My Birthday Party

What I can control

Is how I look

When it sees me

When You

See me

I’m not talking lipstick

Though I’m convinced

It helps

I’m talking

If I’m alone

With you

At this table

When you look across

The ethernet

At this makeshift Mother

You will see

Strength

Of a kind

Staring back

Not because I’m marvelous

But because

It’s the color I picked

And I intend to wear it

I will light my own

Small fire

Every night

Join it to yours

In the darkness

I will come to the table

Everyday

Till we all

Roar to life

Again