"She's Always a Woman to Me"
Yesterday was National Womens’ day
I was too busy being a woman to write about it
This morning however
Finds me back at my coffee table
With my coffee
A very contented toddler “reading” her books on the window seat
In between playing chase with the cat
I grew up in a family of Amazon women
Every single one was strong in their own way
I'm not related to this woman...but she seems like a badass.
I cannot think of the subject of celebrating women
Without thinking of my Mother
Being raised by her
Was such a gift
It never occurred to me when I was young
That being a girl made me anything less than a badass
It was never anything she said really
It was how she lived
She listened when I talked
Affirmed me when I had done well
Corrected me when I was off base
Made the modern day parenting mistake of telling me how beautiful I was
Nearly every time she looked at me
Something I do with my own daughter now
I mean
Have you seen her
It’s not like I can help it
My Mother also challenged me to have character
To be strong when others folded
To not allow anyone else to define me
To pick myself up after a mistake or a disappointment
Above all
To not take myself too seriously
Something I think in today's world
We could all use a healthy dose of
The modern day definition of what a “strong” woman should be
Makes the Proverbs 31 version look like a girl scout
We must be successful
But not so successful that we are not nurturing
We must be beautiful
But not care about beauty
If we are not beautiful
We must accept this and celebrate our flaws with abandon
Twirl in the rain with them and sing of our imperfections with pride
We must be strong and defiant
But also write thank you cards
We must never feel intimidated by another woman's strength
Never be vulnerable
If we are
It must at least be made into an encouraging blog post
As a lady child
My Mother put me under no pressure to be some great feminine medusa
Striking fear into the hearts of men
I was not to dress like a "street walker" and I was not to talk back
If I liked living
That was about it
My strength was my own
Particular in it’s way because I am a woman
But universal because I am human
I don’t think my Mother was a parenting genius
I think she was too busy keeping us all afloat to worry about “doing it right”
Plus
No Pinterest or Facebook or Instagram
Parent shaming didn’t really exist then
You were allowed to fail without having to feel good about it
She was also a scientist
Who had grown up fighting
And being fought by
The 1950's ideal of what woman should be
She made damn sure her daughter
Suffered no such affliction
In my adult life
I have surround myself with really strong women
Maybe in some ways
To regain the feeling I had as a child
A tribe of ladies that could be trusted
Trusted to tell me when I was wrong
Trusted to show up with wine when I was crying
Or with granola bars and a wipes warmer
When I was sinking as a new Mom
Women who wouldn't allow me to back into corners of self pity
They would risk my wrath
And tell me when I was being an ass
The strength I have gleaned from these women is incalculable
Hopefully they have gotten a little something back from me as well
As a Mother to a daughter
Soon to be two daughters
I consider it the greatest purpose of my life
To live with them in such a way
That one day
They can say they learned some good things from watching me
That I gave them strength
And taught them how to weather weakness
It’s a heavy responsibility to be sure
I have already failed at it a lot
But every time I do
I hold my little girls face
Tell her I love her
Apologize if I was wrong
Stop what I’m doing and listen
Tell her how beautiful she is and watch her smile
It’s not easy being a woman
One of the toughest broads I know...hanging with another tough broad....my Bestie since I was 9.
Menstrual cycles and hormones and childbirth
As Baby Daddy said to me while I was recovering from my Cesarian
“If men had to do this, Humanity would have already died out.”
Baby Daddy and his best girl. I wouldn't be the woman I am without him. I certainly would not have survived this parenting business.
It can be a tough gig
But what a privilege
To bear life
If you decide not bear it
Or you are unable to
To encourage it and nurture it
In a way only women can do
To shine the light that only we can carry
To possess that quiet formidable strength that makes us what we are
To be the Julia Sugarbakers of the world
When the world needs a good talking to
So
The day after National Womens' Day
Stretch into your strength
Do better with your weaknesses
Give yourself a break
Show some extra love and gratitude towards
The women that raised you
The women you are raising
And the women who are still a part of raising you